I haven’t written a post in a while ’cause I’ve been a bit down. It’s nothing big. It’s to be expected. I’ve been here for more than a month and my days are getting into a routine. It doesn’t feel like a vacation anymore, and I have a lot of free time. I might feel sad about not seeing my friends and family. I might feel annoyed that I can’t play basketball for a while. This made me think about how we feed into our feelings. We let them tell us how we are doing. We let them be in control.
It has been a problem for me in the past that I feel guilty very quickly and over the smallest things. I even feel guilty when It’s not my responsibility. When I was feeling really stressed for the first time in my life it was mostly because of my feelings of guilt. I felt I wasn’t doing all I could in the projects I was running. I felt guilty about finishing group assignments first at the expense of my own tasks.
I went to see a therapist. I needed someone to help me put things into perspective.
He told me that whenever we’re feeling guilty, no matter what it is, we should try and figure out where the responsibility lies. Is it really on us? Half the time we feel guilty for things that we cannot control. Things that shouldn’t have anything to do with guilt. Sometimes it’s not our responsibility even though our body is implying that it is.
Then of course there are those times when it is our responsibility. Then we have to work through that. Can I learn from this? Can I prevent this from happening in the future? What part of the situation can I control?
Sometimes when a feeling comes up we jump on board and consider them truth. But that’s where we’re wrong. Feelings aren’t always the truth.
You can feel sad for a moment, but be happy in general. You can feel good, but not be happy.
You know when you put off a task and you watch TV in stead. Classic. You might feel good while watching the show, but the good feeling is short-lived. Completing the task and succeeding with your work will, in the long run, bring you joy. You’ll feel a sense of completion. You’ll feel accomplished after having put in the work. You’ll be happy.
The short-lived good/bad feelings in our lives are the ones that play with our mood the most. After a lost basketball game, or even just a missed shot, you might feel annoyed or disappointed. It might have a negative effect on your whole day, and now this minor thing gets blown way out of proportion just because you let the feeling take over.
We can’t suppress our feelings. That doesn’t help us. I don’t even know if it’s possible. We shouldn’t feed into them either though. If they come then they’ve come. All we can do is ask ourselves if they have a right to be there. Is this feeling going to help you in this situation? If not, let it pass through.
When writing these blog posts I usually wait for an interesting idea or experience that I want to write about. I’ve done a lot of fun things since the last time I posted. I didn’t want to write about them because, for some reason, I was feeling more down than in the past weeks. Turns out this subject was an important one for me. I was trying to make sense of my thoughts. These thoughts needed to go through the writing process and be written down.
I was walking down the street earlier today with my headphones in listening to “Love over Gold” by Dire Straits. It was one of those moments where you feel like you’re the main character in a music video or movie. You feel like “the man”. I’m sure it’s easy to relate. I felt a rush of joy. I am happy.
I decided it was time to stop delaying this topic. This ‘movie’ has its ups and downs like all good movies do.
The post’s artist/band is Dire Straits. This band was also introduced to me by my father, Mr. Holton… shoutout pabbi.